I have been thinking of doing this post much earlier than this but somehow never got around to it. Anyhow, What do you think of life away from home? I think a million things. Some good and some not so good. I was dispatched for my masters to London by my family back in 2008. Little did they know the real reason for me moving to London then. Yes, It was love that bought me here more than anything else. Love makes you dream pretty much all the time. I lived in a dream for an entire week when I first got here. Slowly, I realised I have to get back to reality and wash the dishes, clean the house, buy groceries, setup a bank account etc etc… basically do everything for myself. If you have ever been a student away from home, you will know exactly what I am talking about. But whether you move to a new country for work or study or marriage, life is difficult initially for all of us. For me, it is still hard not because I do not like being here but because it is never like being home.
Moving on from student life to being the expat wife, I started to look at life a little differently. Because, I now had this one person whom I can rely on(rather annoy) anytime I wanted in the foreign land. But that doesn’t mean life was all set and I didn’t have to struggle anymore. Being married only makes it a little less difficult overall. Although I enjoy doing every bit of work around the house for my family, I somehow have this inadequate feeling inside me. No matter how much I contribute, it never feels as good as doing something that you love for yourself. This is one of the reasons I even started writing a blog to be honest. Sometimes,I do little things where I make my favourite dessert just for myself and eat it too because I am greedy like that and I love being so. Because, being a few thousand miles away from home and running a family of your own is just not easy. One can easily get lost in all the madness and you need to do things that you love every now and then to be sane. When I was working, this feeling wasn’t so obvious. But there have been many a times I have had to stay home for short periods before switching onto different contracts on the job. Such breaks were kind of good in a way as I got to sleep more and got back in touch with friends and spent more time on the phone face-timing with the family. But on the flip side, some days were boring beyond words. It is these kind of days that make you feel homesick and terrible. For e.g, when you are looking at all the wonderful snack time treats being posted on social media networks and you want to eat them right away. But you slowly realise how far away you are from a decent Indian restaurant in your country and chances are quite high for the restaurant to be closed during that time. You probably end up thinking its not worth it and just sit down with a cup of tea and start to chat with your friends or call your husband and ask him to come home early so we can go out for dinner. Oh, I do not miss those days at all where no amount of whatsapp or facetime can make you feel good.
Today, I probably have the best job ever of being the doting mother. I have started to feel a whole lot better ever since I became one. Although motherhood can take you soaring high one minute and totally pull you deep down the next, it is something that I enjoy. And now, I feel more like home in London too. Gosh! It has taken so long for me to feel like this. My husband fell in love with London even before he landed here. If Sir Arthur Conan Dyle was alive, then I probably would’ve seen him personally for discussing how much of an influence the “London based Mr Holmes” has had on his life.
This lovely Old London is our home for now but my heart will always be a bit of Chennai too.
One thought on “On Living abroad and a part of me always craving for the homeland”
Your blog post has answered few queries which I myself have had from a long time. I have always wanted to try out a life away from our homeland but I step back when I start thinking about things I might miss. So, I pull my thoughts together thinking I will visit all the other countries instead of staying there for long. Today, when I read your thoughts I feel, after all living away from home isn’t easy there too. Trust me, blogging is addictive and also provides solace and comfort out of it. I am sure Neil will give you more reasons to enjoy in London.