breast cancer

What I discovered about my body…. 

Many years ago,  I found soft lumps near my armpits (quite close to my breasts) so, I naturally got worried. But the fact that I was only 25 years old then was a good enough reason to feel convinced that it may not be a dangerous symptom. I anyway got it checked by a doctor who said it was due to improper circulation and asked me to stay away from some foods temporarily and there was nothing to worry about. Feeling a little relieved, I decided to move on with life. And then I got married at 26 and had my boy at 28 whom I breastfed for just over a year. So, I didn’t feel the need to worry and simply ignored those bits near my breasts.

Worrying comes to me naturally. I find reasons to worry and sometimes I worry that there is nothing to worry about too. However, now that I am on a vacation in Madras and I have a lot of extra time, I started to look at the mirror more often and those soft lumps were kind of disturbing me. Having heard enough about this, my husband and my mother forced me to get it checked again. So, I spent sometime online looking for a specialist doctor here in Madras and managed to book an appointment too. Instead of feeling good about the upcoming meeting with the doctor, it only felt like the world had stopped in my mind. I started to put all the if’s and but’s to my future. I wasn’t sleeping well either. So, the day arrived for the check up and I hurriedly and forcefully swallowed a couple of spoons of something for breakfast and left home.

There, at the clinic, were so many women (some very depressed looking and some normal) waiting to be seen. I knew it was going to be a long wait. I went up to the receptionist and had a kind word with her and also told her how horrible I was feeling and all that stupid talk that I do when I am stressed. Although she first said it was going to be an hour or so before I can get checked, I was called by a nurse within five minutes of talking to the receptionist. The nurse asked me a few questions about my overall health and also reassured me that I was going to be ok. But immediately she also said if needed we may take a biopsy. And she left the room.

Just then came another friendly nurse who took me to the ultrasound room.As soon as she saw the lump like thing I was worried about, she smiled and said you are going to be fine. This only looks like fat. I was smiling too but I couldn’t believe it either. She quickly did an ultrasound for my sake and showed me those tissues on the monitor and they looked like any normal tissues and we also did comparison to lump/fat free areas on my breast. It was only then I started to feel better and ofcourse happy. And now all that was left was to see the doctor and get a written note signed from the doctor herself to say everything was fine.

The doctor arrived in another few minutes and gently examined my breasts and again pointed out that it was only an extension of axillary tissue. These tissues can be prominent when one puts on weight. So, the bottom line was do not gain weight. Holy moly! After One quick hug to the lovely doctor that she was,  I left the place feeling rather embarrassed instead of relieved.

Although I love being a woman, certain things about it make life difficult at times. That doesn’t mean we have to hate ourselves and our body. No doubt this whole episode has got me feeling relieved but it has also reminded me to love my body with all the fat, undone eyebrows, frizzy hair and what not…………………………………. it’s all in the mind!